Self-Reflection Definition: Serious Thoughts About One’s Actions and Motivation
One of the biggest struggles for me is finding time to offer support to everyone who needs it while staying focused on the work I am trying to do every day. I know for most DEI Leaders, that is your struggle as well. So how do you stay focused and support everyone – when you also need support to keep going? How do you prioritize and get stuff done if you’re helping everyone?
In retrospect, I wonder if I navigated this as well as I thought.
Deep within, I know I didn’t. But, unfortunately, something had to give, and often my own well-being suffered. I didn’t set out to be superwoman, but I sure did pick up a set of cringe worth capes along the way.
The capes that I took on looks something like this:
If I work harder, things will get better.
The reality, hard work didn’t garner much self-empowerment. Instead, it makes me more tired and stressed and left me feeling like I accomplished nothing. The truth is I often only accomplished a fraction of what I set out to do. The lesson, harder work is not smarter work. You cannot be imaginative and creative if you’re tired and burning the candles at both ends. I did a recent podcast episode where I reflected on the fact that we must put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. For me, this is a journey, not a destination. DEI and Wellness must be linked…!
Somehow along the way, I took up a cape that left me feeling like,
I’ve got to prove myself even more than I have already.
The feeling that you haven’t proved yourself enough or that you have to do more is built into the fast-paced environment that we live in today. As a DEI leader, you know that you’re doing more than enough, but the daily grind to do more to prove your existence because you’re afraid that no one will remember what you accomplished the day before. For most of us, we are only as good as what we did the day before. Personally, the need to constantly show the goods, prove the work, reinvent, rework, highlight, justify, and enhance is exhausting. As I come to the close of 2023, I’m still determining if this is sustainable, but I still need to figure out how to avoid this cape.
The most pivotal cape that I’ve struggled with is,
Does My Work Really Matter?
Reflecting on 2022, we have had clients who pushed us to the brink of distress, challenged our expertise, and downright disrespected my being – then gaslighted my reputation. Yet, at the same time, we’ve had clients who, with every encounter, empower and fuel my wings to keep going. Just when I think the work doesn’t matter, I land an amazing client who gives me all the inner assurance that I am on the right track – that this work matters. When we find clients and teams who want DEI and are eager to learn, my team and I are even more empowered to pour our knowledge into them. So, if you think your work doesn’t matter, please know it does. There is someone out there who is better off because you are doing the heart work of DEI.
The final cape has no resolution because,
I have to keep going.
What I’ve learned along the way, I can’t take this work personally – the result of DEI leadership ebbs and flows. It’s totally okay to take on capes even when they are undefined. I can support others, I can make time for myself, and I can accomplish my goals. But I must keep going.
The reflection leads me to an agreement. One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements – in the book Don Miguel Ruiz says,
- Be Impeccable With Your Word.
- Don’t Take Anything Personally.
- Don’t Make Assumptions.
- Always Do Your Best.
I would add to this:
When the work is more intricate, challenging, complex, and complicated – be more innovative, brilliant, thoughtful, and introspective.
We must reflect on what we want to accomplish – why we want to achieve it and never forget our purpose. My why and my purpose are the same – now that I’m a grandmother, I want to ensure that my grandson will walk into the world of work that is more inclusive and welcoming than it is today. I want to help co-create a work environment that my grandson will inherit in 20 years that reflects both diversity and equity, where he will not suffer on the vine of advancement only to be denied the next step. I want him to inherit a world of work where he will never be told that he’s not good enough to advance despite his hard work. I want to create and co-create a world of work that says you can and will be empowered by working here. I want to co-create a world where my grandson will not fear being a Black man in America.
If that is not possible, I would like him to take over the mantle I am currently leading as we continue to co-create the world we want to see.
About Margaret Spence:
Founder, The Inclusion Learning Lab – determined to co-create a better place for diverse professionals to thrive. Join me each week for Inclusion Unscripted, my live podcast on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Facebook – or download the episode from your favorite podcast app.
